About a year ago my family and I went to Disney. I kept telling everyone that I was not going to be one of those people who rush around and try to do everything. That I was going to take it easy and I wasn't going to stress myself out trying to do it all. Because that's usually how I roll. But this time, I was going to really be okay with just doing whatever we managed to do and I could actually picture myself strolling through the park without a care in the world, just happy to be there.
I had said it so much that I actually started to believe it myself. But when we walked through the gates at the first park that all went out the door. I didn't mean for it to. I didn't want it to. I blame part of it on the app that I had downloaded that tells the wait time for rides, but the truth is, even without the app I would've probably been rushing around from ride to ride like it was my job! Did my mind and body agree this was a race and the winners were the only ones who walked 12 feet in front of their family ushering them on to the next event? I'm thinking they did because that's what I did LOL. In one of my most shameful moments of trying to run across the park to our lunch reservation, I had to be stopped by a Disney employee when I tried to run through a street parade. My husband still gets a good laugh at that.
At the end of day three, my husband had to help me out of Epcot because I could barely walk and we looked into wheelchairs that night because I didn't think my feet would make it the next day. Why? Because in my eagerness, I set a pace for myself that I just couldn't maintain. Because I'm impatient. Waiting and taking it easy have never been by strong suits. I'm action minded and doing the opposite of that just doesn't make sense to my brain sometimes! But it's deeper than that. And this scenario could not be a more perfect allegory for my walk with the Lord on so many occasions. Because what I believe it really boils down to is this - I believe it all depends on me. And because I believe this, I take the reins and run ahead. I leave little room for the input of others (or God) and become laser focused on my own agenda. Ouch! But shamefully that's been the truth many times over in my life, especially with the Lord. I'm guessing you might struggle a little with this too, if you're the "rush ahead" kind like me.
What I've learned walking this out with the Lord is that He has a purpose in the waiting and the pacing, and he doesn't need me to take the reins. His desire for me to be content where I'm at is not a punishment, but a part of His plan to truly root me in Him. He has a plan that is more well thought out than my own. He has factored in the rest time that I will need. The growth that needs to take place in me before I'm ready for the next step. The fruit that needs to be developed. What looks like standing still or inaction is often the time I grow the most! Because it's through the waiting and obeying that God is developing something deeper on the inside of me. A deeper dependence on Him. And this is foundational in my relationship with Him. Because what I have come to know is that it doesn't all depend on me, it all depends on Him. He sets the times and the boundaries in my life just as He "made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation." He set the moon and the stars in the sky. He said let their be light. He is what keeps us all in orbit around the sun. It all depends on Him. So we look to Him. We delight in Him. We seek Him. We submit our whole lives to Him who it all depends on. And He shows us His glory.
He has proven himself worthy of those reins. He doesn't need to be hurried and we don't need to be rushed. We can rest and perfectly trust that God is with us in the waiting and is making a way for us to walk. It doesn't all depend on you to get there - it depends on Him. And this is wonderful news for your soul. Let's rest in His grace. Stand deeper in His truths. Cling harder to His promises. And rejoice loudly over the One who has it all under control.