It May Not Have Looked Like It Then…

It may not have looked like it then…

Back when I was thirteen years old sitting in Wednesday night church answering the teacher with arrogance and sarcasm…

But, the seeds of faith that were planted long before were being watered. And all that pride and ignorance spilling out of me was not to be wasted. It was laying the path for my future redemption that would be used for God’s glory…but later…much later.

It may not have looked like it then…

Back when I abandoned God’s way for my own, electing to do things my way…the world’s way…

But, His truth was hidden in my heart and I always knew…always…that His way was the only way. The best way. But, it seemed so hard. It seemed out of reach. It seemed too perfect.

It may not have looked like it then…

Back when I only visited church on Easter, that I would ever really return. My lack of church attendance for nearly a decade an outward symbol of my internal waywardness, but I was always planning to come back. Always. One day. One day when I was ready to be flawless. Faultless.

It may not have looked like it then…

When I spent my weekends…year after year after year…drunk and high, that God was moving in my life. But, He was there. Always there. Keeping me. Waiting. Letting me go to the end of myself.

It may not have looked like it then…

Back when I could hardly remember what it was like to not be consumed with anything other than my own dependencies.

But, Jesus was calling my name. And I was answering. Is it true? That you meet us where we are?

It may not have looked like it then…

Back when I seemed to have it all together, that I was lost within myself trying to find a way back home.

But, Jesus knew the struggle within. And He was coming for me. He had let me go far enough.

It may not have looked like it then…

Back when I thought that I needed to be perfect to live for Jesus, that He had plans to rip those lies from my heart and create in me a new awareness and assurance that was rooted in His grace and mercy and righteousness.

It may not have looked like it then…

Back when I was stumbling and failing to obey His word, that He was walking alongside me, but He was.

He was wooing me with kindness and He was amazing me with the depths of His great love for me.

It may not have looked like it then…

When I struggled to be faithful, that He was showing me a grace and mercy that brought forth a desire for holiness that perfection could never have created.

It may not have looked like it then…

Back when I had plans of my own, that He had plans too.

The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

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